If my goal was to build the smallest amount of muscle possible, here’s exactly what I’d do every. Single. DAY.
Step 1: Destroy Your Sleep
I’d make sure to only get 3-4 hours of sleep…tops. Bonus points if I stare at screens right up until I pass out.
Step 2: Spike Your Cortisol
The next morning? Double-shot espresso immediately upon waking. No chance for cortisol levels to normalize naturally.
Step 3: Forget Protein Completely
We’re going with Pop-Tarts, sugary cereals, maybe a donut. Absolutely no protein sources allowed.
Step 4: Avoid Water Like It’s Poison
Outside of the espresso, ZERO water for the rest of the day. Hydration is overrated anyway, right?
Step 5: Train for Pain, Not to Gain
At the gym, I’d:Skip warmupsSkip stretchingSkip primer setsI am going straight to my heaviest weight and push every set to complete failure.
Step 6: Move As Little As Possible
Now that my back hurts in three different places, I’ll spend the rest of the day sitting perfectly still, moving only to chew food or doom-scroll on my phone.
Rinse and repeat this cycle…and you can expect little to no progress.
Now..If you want EPIC gains, just do the exact opposite of everything above.
Prioritize sleep. Eat protein. Hydrate. Train smart. Move daily.
Thanks for reading.
-Tyler
